Stupid Dog Don’ts That People Do

This post is intended to be read by people with a sense of humor, because it points out and pokes fun at how we “more intelligent higher species” can be so dumb.

I think I have seen and heard my, your, and your brother’s fair share of stupid dog don’ts that people do. Even to this day there are still times I shake my head and think, “What?!?!!?”  Here are my favorite top five:

1.  Bite your dog on the ear.  -  This has got to be my absolute favorite.  Why in heaven’s sake would you deliberately put your face near the pointy end of a reactive dog?  Even better, who actually thinks they are fast enough to not get bit?  Why would causing pain be a good idea in the first place and what is it supposed to teach?

2.  Reach your hand out to strange dogs so they can sniff you. – This  one is good for a chuckle.  Like the dog can’t smell you unless you reach out your hand.  Like we live in an invisible force-field immune to a dog’s sniffer.  Besides that “duh” factor, how smart is it to reach right for the face of a strange dog?  Believe it or not, that’s quite rude to do to a dog.

3.  Train my dog not to bite my kid even while he’s: pulling his tail, smooshing his face, hugging him, using him to learn how to stand and grabbing onto his fur with a vice grip, smacking him, pulling his whiskers, yelling in his ear, etc, etc, etc.    No, sorry I can’t.  Because every living creature has their breaking point and constantly pushing your dog past his by bad parenting and lack of supervision can’t be fixed without realizing your kid can’t treat the dog like crap.  Sorry.  Get a stuffed animal for your kid to play with.  I always want to drop the professional politically correct nature of myself and ask people, “Can I poke your eye, yell into your ear, steal your lunch right out of your hand, grab your husband’s ass, and anything else I can think of that is just completely crossing every boundary of respect and personal space and see how you like me?”

4.  That dog must be friendly because his tail is wagging. – Yet another popular thought many people believe (and usually followed by stupid human faux pas #2.)  Understanding basic canine body language is not too difficult and the big fat rule numero uno is look at the whole dog! Even if you don’t take into consideration the environment or any triggers, and zone into just the tail there are an array of tail movements and carriages.  Is it low, high, stiff, only wagging at the top, fast, slow, hair standing up on it, methodically back and forth….

5.  Saying a cue over and over until physically making the dog do it. – An example of this would be, “Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit.Sit. Sit! SIT!”  and then just pushing the dog’s bum.  I never got that.  Why waste your breath?  Clearly the dog doesn’t understand “sit” in the environment he’s in or there is zero motivation to do so.  Either way, it’s silly to nag your dog.  Next time, just bring a block of cheese with you or train for generalization around distractions if you expect results.  Just because a dog can sit in the kitchen doesn’t mean he will at the vet’s.  That’s the same as assuming a new driver can drive on the interstate just because they drove around the block a few times.  Sorry, you can’t have my car keys.