1. Have no intention of getting a dog.  Don’t do any research about breed characteristics.  Additional bonus: travel 40% of the year for work or work 10 hour days.

2. Get a puppy, preferably from a pet store to ensure he was probably a puppy mill puppy.  This should guarantee he was pulled away from his litter too young and therefore never learned the critical “share the mom” or bite inhibition.  Additional bonus: get one as a gift.

3. Don’t puppy proof the environment, or if you do — do so half ass.  Additional bonus: don’t check house plants to see if they are toxic to pets.

4. Give puppy complete run of your entire house and don’t supervise.  Additional bonus: have the arrogance to think he should “know better.”

5. Don’t exercise or mentally stimulate your puppy, socialize him, or train him at all.  Additional bonus: think you can socialize puppy “later”

6. Give puppy only one toy to play with such as a tennis ball.  No more.  He should like that.  Period.  Additional bonus: become upset when puppy doesn’t play with it.

7. Punish the puppy by loud vocal corrections like, “NO!” when the puppy blindly directs himself to something to chew for something to do.  Additional bonus: rub his nose in it.

8. Repeat step seven at least several times a week to ingrain in puppy’s brain how horrible an experience it is to give things up. Additional bonus: punish well after the fact when you see something was chewed and don’t prevent puppy from chewing it again.

9. When puppy starts to growl or show any other signs of being uncomfortable with the idea of giving things up, punish harsher to create a “nothing good happens when you give things up” environment.  Additional bonus: don’t give puppy an alternate chew toy, just walk away.

10. Wait until serious aggression sets in before you call a trainer.  Additional bonus: wait until puppy bites someone

This sarcastic simple recipe happens all the time.  And it is a prime example of what not to do! Ask yourself, “will this make my life easier the next time?  Will this make my puppy’s life easier the next time?”  If the answer is no, don’t proceed!   Get professional training before problems develop.

A dog is always a good dog for giving up whatever he has in his possession. It doesn’t matter if it’s his toy or the Tivo remote.

If you catch your dog chewing something he shouldn’t, my favorite trick to keep my cool is to tell him exactly how you feel in a calm, soft, baby voice.  “I hate every hair on your body right now…”  It will make you feel better.  While doing this leave a Hanzel & Gretel treat trail out of the room and shut the door.  Go back for the item when the dog isn’t around.

Next post I’ll talk more about how to train your dog to enjoy giving you what he has.  If you do have a resource guarder, schedule a training lesson or contact someone in your area for professional help.  Don’t wait, remember step ten.